Personal Lessons in Ethnography, Part 2.2

Warning: my grammar and use of tenses reach a new level of epic fail in this post

Essentially the icing of fail consisted of 1. Shit-talking my friends to my face and then being surprised when I didn't agree with his assessment. 2. Referring to me in the third person when I was about a foot away.

Edit: I realized I should probably re-post the cast of characters because otherwise it sounds like I'm talking about the most drama-filled episode of Sesame Street ever.

C: the friend in question who is awesome and I love
M: C's boyfriend. Considerably less awesome.
A: has been friends with C since early childhood, I've known her and C since early high school. Highly opinionated with an extremely forceful personality.
B: friend of C from the same religion, has become friends with me and A over the past year or so
I: I just mean "I" as in the word you use instead of "me", maybe I should have gone with numbers...

I went to C's house the night after the birthday dinner party of disaster.  I hadn't expected to encounter M again so soon, but I was glad because it meant a chance to possibly see a better side of him.  Hint: this did not happen.

In the context of a conversation we were having, M made some joke about how I clearly wasn't a suitable person to associate with and C. said something along the lines of "but she's a friend you like." I let it pass without comment because, um, OBVIOUSLY he doesn't like our other friend. There was no comment to be made! It's not like this was a news flash. I guess he didn't see it the same way because not two minutes later as I stood about a foot away from him he said to her something like, "I guess your friend didn't catch your slip-up." Sure, I was holding still and looking in another direction because I was acting as an art reference model for C, but it's not like there was any possible way I couldn't hear him say this. She delivered a pretty crushing "No, she understood," so there wasn't really anything I needed to add, but it was WEIRD. Did he think that by not referring to me by name I wouldn't realize he was talking about me? I am standing about 18 inches away from you! I can understand how someone might mistakenly assume that I'm way more of a completely oblivious space cadet than I actually am since I do a lot of staring into space rather than making small talk. Also I am kind of a space cadet a bunch of the time. However, even IF I was actually that dumb, I AM STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.  Even if I didn't understand you were talking about me, that's still super rude. It struck a truly strange balance between bizarre and laughably dumb and wtf?!

I can only assume that the combination of my lack of reaction to C's original statement and her "No, she understood" led him to the erroneous conclusion that I agreed with him in re our other friend because that's the only explanation I can imagine for how he subsequently proceeded to make his fail whale of an evening even worse! As I said, I was acting as a reference model for C, and at one point I was supposed to look horribly anguished. Conversation proceeded as follows:

M :"well, if you want to be anguished, just imagine being stuck in an elevator for an hour and a half..."
My Brain: "that wouldn't be so bad. Do I have my Leatherman on me? Is this that elevator at NASA?"
M: "...with A and B."
My Brain: "Um. Wait. Wut? Srsly?! Did you just say that?!! DOES NOT COMPUTE." [no I don't know why my brain talks like a lolcat. STOP JUDGING ME]
My Mouth: "Uh, I wouldn't mind that."
M: *looks super surprised, maybe even shocked*
My mouth: "Well the trick to dealing with people like that is to just-"
M: "Not listen to them?"
My Brain: "Wait, WUT?!!!!!!!"
My Mouth: "Um, no. You just have to go with it."
My Brain: ";kfaekjiorcmaephaf firt4mjtwhsi3"

Then, due to a combination of insane schedules neither A nor I got a chance to actually talk to C for almost two weeks following that lovely weekend. I began to spazz a bit because as we all know, textbook abusive behavior features isolating the victim from his or her friends.
We finally got a chance to talk tonight. C knows that his behavior at B's birthday was super inappropriate, and though she did offer the excuse that he was feeling poorly, we're all on the same page about it. What I told her is that what really matters to me is that he genuinely makes her happy because in the end, her happiness and mental health are the things I care about. I don't give a shit if her boyfriend doesn't respect me. If he is good for her, then that's awesome.

That being said, he lost my trust and respect in a fairly spectacular manner. Those things don't grow back real quickly and there will always be a scar.

Be Seeing You

Boil Update:
To continue my last thought in a wholly disgusting Boil Update fashion, let's stick with the wound/scar analogy. Not talking to C about the entirely inappropriate nature of M's behavior at the birthday dinner was like a cut and the concept of an abuser cutting off the victim's contact with friends was like some nasty bacteria. Leave those two together for several weeks of silence and you've got nasty suppuration and a throbbing boil. By acknowledging it, we essentially lanced the boil thereby easing a lot of my paranoid agony. However, I will be keeping an eye on the injury and if that shit starts to fester measures will be taken. If gangrene sets in, I'm fully prepared to lop off the arm. I don't really know what this means in practical real world terms, but the point is I love my friend and would do near anything to protect her.