Anatomy of a Fake Geek Girl (aka Hipster Geekin’ It)

So it seems that the inane discussion of “fake geek girls” (known to locals as tidoffg or “Fgg”) has risen once again from the gloopy, gloppy, murky, mucky waters of the nerd loch. As an individual who lives in the muck (denizens also include illustrious figures like “the idiotic debate about nerd/geek/dork titles”), I’m getting annoyed at the repeated turbation enough to overcome my innate lazy nature and add my own swamp-gas bubbles to the tumult in the vain hope that possibly my small contribution will make the stench so utterly repulsive that people will back off and leave us swamp monsters alone.

One afternoon, Fgg and I were huddled over some decomposing hagfish and I asked her to show me the worst example of a fake geek girl that’d ever grown from a glorpy glob of her skimey muck. I have to admit, it was pretty bad.

Pay no attention to the Halloween decorations

For those of you who would argue that this is not a slutty enough costume to warrant derision, need I point out that not only is this hussy flaunting her ankles, her KNEES are showing?!!!! AND her clavicles!!!! Plus, this picture doesn’t showcase the posterior aspect. Plus, she straight out admitted to me that she wasn’t wearing as much makeup as she probably would at a Con.

Me: “What are you dressed as?”

Her: “I’m dressed as Six.”

Me: “Um….how many episodes of Battlestar Galactica have you actually watched?”

Her: “Four or five.”

No wonder. I mean, Six NEVER wore a jacket like that, and why bother bleaching your hair if you’re not even going to style it right, and WHAT is with those shoes?

 

5 inch Deck Shoes? WTF?

Obviously this girl was a Fake Geek Girl who didn’t care about canon at ALL and was just hanging around trying to look sexy and pick up boys. Or feed off their lascivious attention. Or something something legitimate rape. 

The incriminating evidence only got worse the longer I talked to her.  The only video/computer games she’s ever really played are Diablo II because (and I quote) her “boyfriend bought it for [her],” and she “once played Goldeneye for five hours.” She also mentioned some other things with made up names like Solarian and Loom, but I’m pretty sure those don’t actually exist.  She freely admitted she’d never played Zelda.

Her knowledge of comics wasn’t any better. Almost everything she knows about the DC and Marvel universes is either from her friends in college or movies or Wikipedia.  She had the audacity to try and fob me off with Classics Illustrated or Scrooge McDuck. He was in DuckTales, right? That’s not comic books, you dumb bitch! Speaking of books, she’s never actually sat down and read all of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.  What a poser.

I wish I were good enough at Photoshop to make a “Number Six is not impressed” image. You’ll just have to imagine it.

NEITHER Number Six is impressed

 Be Seeing You.