Dealing With Large Mammalian Predators

There was a tragic incident lately involving human-predator relations.

No one had to die in this situation. NO ONE. Not the student, not the bear.

Here's the problem:

By the early 20th century, many large mammalian predators on the east coast of the United States, were almost completely (and in some cases, totally) exterminated by human expansion (habitat loss) and hunting. Only now are populations finally starting to recover. Because of this, the number of human-animal interactions will continue to increase.
Unfortunately, the history of absence means that the potential for dealing with large mammalian predators is a new concept for some people, and apparently people don't know how to react. With that in mind, I offer a list of guidelines for dealing with large mammals that might eat you.

There is, of course, always the possibility that the animal is stalking you and your behaviors will not significantly affect its actions. On the other hand, it may not be, and you should do your damnedest to keep it that way.

Disclaimer: I am not a wildlife behavior specialist. My qualifications are simply that I was raised by ecologists in an environment where encountering a mountain lion or bear is always a possibility. Also,  these guidelines don't always apply to every situation.

HOW TO DEAL WITH A LARGE MAMMALIAN PREDATOR:

1. DO NOT RUN.

2. Do NOT run.

3. Do not run. Running will trigger the animal's hunting instinct. The animal might just be curious about you and not interested in attacking. However, if you act like prey and run the opposite direction, it will chase you like prey. Back away slowly: yes. Run: NO.

4. Don't split up. If you split up this will not "confuse" the animal. The animal will just choose one prey item (person) to follow. Multiple little wimpy humans against a big predator will have a better chance than just one wimpy human against a big predator.

5. There are many other things you should do like "make yourself seem as large as possible"(raise your arms) "make loud sounds", "minimize eye-contact", and "if attacked, fight back".

6. If there are cubs involved, shit is serious. Do your absolute best to NOT get between the mother and the cubs.

7. If you're being stalked or attacked by a brown bear (Grizzly) or a polar bear, you're pretty much fucked, but you still shouldn't run because that'll only make it an absolute sure thing.

I encountered another article about the incident:

I disagree, Daily News. I fully believe that the students did not antagonize or harass the bear in any way, but they did provoke it. They acted in a manner pretty much guaranteed to provoke chase and attack.

Be Seeing You.

Zero for One

I got rejected from the Chico Master's program. I'm trying not to be down about this. I recognize that failure is one of the best ways to learn things, but I wish I didn't get the opportunity quite so often in regards to my academic career. I'm actually a little surprised. I was pretty sure that I was going to be accepted.
I'm giving a presentation this weekend at the Society for California Archaeology (SCA) conference. Not to be confused with the Society for Creative Anachronisms (SCA) con. Except apparently some people do make that mistake. I will be wearing my Star Trek uniform to the Silent Auction event that's apparently the big social do. Drunk archaeologists are pretty easy to confuse. I'm quite excited.
My presentation is about quantifying taphonomic conditions. Specifically, how one might describe the people at VMC in a scientifically rigorous manner. Working to put together a quantification system would make a pretty good Master's project. TOO BAD!
Oh, right: I'm presenting as part of a symposium on the Santa Clara County Valley Medical Center Potter's Field. Our moderator is Chico faculty and a member of the board that rejected me. Now I really have extra incentive to be AWESOME because I won't be applying there again, and I'm not above being a bit of an asshole and mocking their decision. I'm disappointed, but I also feel that it's their loss. I mean, the guys at Foothill can attest that I'd be an asset to any program, and all the archaeologists I've worked with can speak to my field experience and lab skills.  I mean, I've fucking run field labs. Also there's that little matter of my Criminal Justice training. And the fact that I was involved in a mass cemetery exhumation with an MNI of 1000+. I don't know what more you people want.

If I don't get into Indianapolis, my plans are:

1) stalk Steven Nawrocki (UIndy)
2) stalk James Pokines (BU)
3) stalk David O. Carter (Chaminade University)

In terms of employment, I will look into jobs as an autopsy technician and/or crime scene cleaner. I'm leaning toward crime scene cleaning if only because it utterly repulses my mom. This is not as easy as it may sound. She's has no problems with the autopsy idea. Crime scene cleaning would require physical labor, which would be nice.

Right now though, I have to get through the next two weeks. Things that are happening:
3/19: Cultures of North America potluck. I'm bringing polenta (w/ sunflower seeds) & maple syrup. Also a salad of Miner's Lettuce. Then I have to practice my presentation.
3/20: Spanish final oral exam. I still haven't come up with the story I'll be recounting. Should be studying Spanish rather than typing on a blog right now.
[3/20-23]: Travel to lovely Visalia for the conference.
3/26: Final exam for NA cultures
3/27: Spanish final
3/29: Huge fucking garden party at my house.

And I still need to figure out the samosas.

Be Seeing You.

π Day

I brought two mini pies to lab today. Also I forced everyone to watch Hard'n'Phirm's Pi song. Halfway through, one of the students cried, "I have so many questions right now!" ...and that was before the guy in the Mexican wrestling mask showed up. It was pretty magical to watch them go through the same process of WHAT THE FUUUUUCK?????!!!! that I felt upon first seeing that video. It was a formative part of my college experience & I was glad I could share that same wonder with them.  I've seen it so many times that it looks normal to me, so it was delightful to remember just how utterly bizarre it is. Also I told them that if they listened to it for 6 hours straight on repeat, they too could learn π to over 30 digits.

The previous Friday, a student had been asking about the effect of fire on bone. Today I brought in two books on taphonomy that addressed that and showed him the sections to read.
Me: "Oh, I should probably mention that these books contain the worst of humanity."
Him: "Uhhh...."
Then I explained that the skull on the front of a the book was an example of what happens during necklacing. I didn't need to explain any more after that.

There Must be an Internet Rule for This.

Anytime anyone posts a picture like this:

on a social media network, sooner or later some asshole will leave a comment that just says "Beautiful."

Yeah. I get it. You're deeply moved by the profound beauty of the cycle of existence and this practice of active reintegration of the human body into the food web. I mean, California Sky Burial is my dream disposal, so I'm with you on the incredibleness. Also those vultures swooping in are pretty majestic and the shot is very nicely composed. Plus, the butchering job is beautifully skilled. However, I think it's important to recognize that this is a picture of VULTURES FEEDING ON A CORPSE. A HUMAN CORPSE, no less. I can think of several different ways to describe vultures feeding on meat, but "beautiful" is not first among them.

Just writing "beautiful" and nothing else guarantees that I'm going to assume you want to sound profound and all in touch with the "darker side of nature" and shit but you'd tuck tail and run at the first scent of death.

I mean "scent of death" in the most literal fashion. The guy in the picture is quite fresh, so you'd not necessarily get any decomp smells, but raw meat/blood is not particularly the most appealing odor.

Yes I'm a death snob. Stop trying to glamorize death, people. Death is about as non-glamorous as you can get. It's messy and smelly and ridiculous. Also, it's not very exclusive. Death just lets EVERYONE into the club.

Be SEeing you.

Cramming Information Into My Brain

It's good to stick poetry into textbooks. Provides brain relief


My breath, I have it here
My bones, I have them here
My flesh, I have it here
With it I seek you,
With it I find you,
But speak to me
Say something nice to me.

(Nineteenth-century Aleut love song)