That Thing That Attacks Luke On Hoth Is Called A Wampa

You will probably have to wait until after this weekend to get the final piece of the TeleTARDIS conspiracy theory. Also maybe I will finally write my family holiday letter. In the meantime,

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Be Seeing You

"I'm r^2. I'm the coefficent of determination."

I promise I'll bring you Part 3 of the TeleTARDIS thesis soon. Here's a preview:

 

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Be Seeing You.

Boil Update:
This time I actually remembered to put aloe on my burn immediately!!! Yes, I was an idiot AGAIN, but this one is hardly a singe and I think the immediate application of aloe should help. Maybe someday I'll give you a bit of my self-analysis as to why I'm so careless with/of my body.

TeleTARDIS Part 2

Greetings, avid readers! This evening I continue my presentation of the TeleTARDIS theory. Last time we looked at overall structural elements and the presence of helpful robots.  Though I feel the evidence presented in my previous post should prove more than enough to convince naysayers, my scientific training compels me to provide a full accounting of all (or most of) the observations that led to my brilliant conclusion, just in case I need to write it up for a peer reviewed journal someday...or someone tries to steal my idea (btw, GO FOR IT. Anyone who is compelled to somehow elaborate upon a Doctor Who/Teletubbies conspiracy theory is probably the type of person with whom I'd enjoy collaborating).

We've gone over basic structure, so let's now turn our attention to the manner in which the individuals in question interact with their respective surroundings. If the Teletubbies are indeed inside a TARDIS, you would expect to see them performing actions similar to those the Doctor does. 

The Second Doctor at the controls

Dipsy at the controls

 Guess what! My theory wins AGAIN! This first set of photos is a pairing of a screenshot of the Second Doctor (played by Patrick Troughton from 1966-1969 and, courtesy of the availability of discs from the Santa Clara County Library, the first Doctor I ever saw. My library's DVD selection is insanely good. You should envy me.) and the ever...um....well, I was going to say "competent" but that just doesn't sound right. Let's go with "the ever-entertaining" Dipsy (he is the green Teletubbie despite the fact that it looks like yellow in this screencap).  According to the infallible Wikipedia, he "is named "Dipsy" because his antenna resembles a dipstick. He likes his black and white furry top hat, which he once lost. Laa-Laa found it, but instead of simply returning Dipsy's hat to the stricken Dipsy, she ran around it for about ten minutes shouting "Dipsy Hat! Dipsy Hat!". He is the most stubborn of the Teletubbies, and will sometimes refuse to go along with the other Teletubbies' group opinion."

But wait...this might just be a freak occurrence! I can't possibly expect you to believe the Doctor and the Teletubbies interact with their respective control panels the same way from just one set of photos, now can I? (What I CAN do well is construct exceedingly long possibly run-on sentences) No, I wouldn't ask you to trust me from just one photo pair.  Also, in the spirit of full disclosure I should admit that once I started finding these matching things it got entirely too fun and I have about six bazillion picture sets that I really want to post but will never make it on here because that'd be entirely too much effort.

I once saw Teletubbies in French. I bet at some point one of them says "Allons-y!"

The Tenth Doctor

 Thus, it is with great pleasure that I am able to present you with this fine set featuring Dipsy hard at work (yeah, it's from the same film sequence. So sue me. Properly conducting this investigation in a manner designed to remove any observer bias would 1)Defeat the purpose and 2)Take entirely too much time and energy), and a fine screencap of the Tenth Doctor (played by David "Sex on Wheels" Tennant from 2005-2010.  Generally I try to avoid objectifying people but I'm afraid I just can't help myself in Tennant's case. He's a fabulous actor and I'd love him even if he looked like Gollum..which he kind of does at one point during his stint as the Doctor, but that's not relevant...so that combined with his oozing of charisma is a little too much for my poor brain to comprehend and I'm reduced to basic primordial objectification...or something).

Once you start looking for similarities, they seem to pop up everywhere. This fine combo of action shots shows in detail just how similar the workings of the two machines are (in case you're confused, the picture on the left is from the Teletubbies and the one on the right is from Series 4 of Doctor Who).

Tinky-Winky working the TubbyCustard machine

Martha Jones working the TARDIS controls

Let's not forget the communication camera units in Chez Teletubbie and the TARDIS.  By this point it should come as no surprise that, again, they seem to provide shockingly similar views:

Camera 1

Camera 2

Uncanny, isn't it?






With minimal effort, one might imagine that this pair of photos depicts a video call from one TARDIS to another or maybe just one room in the TARDIS to another (yes, there is a secondary control room).


I was going to present my last little bit of evidence, but this has taken entirely too long and I want to go to sleep now, so you're just going to have to wait for that.

Be Seeing You

TeleTARDIS Part 1

Unlike my Weevil concept, proper exposition of my latest theory can really only properly be done with lots of visual aids. In order to avoid a criminally slow-to-load post and also because fussing with photos takes extra time this will have to be broken into several segments. However I'm sure you're pretty impatient by now and thinking something along the lines of this, so I'll lay my basic theory out for you in one sentence: I believe the Teletubbies are renting/occupying a room in the TARDIS.

Madness, you say? Well check out these shocking photos that reveal the TRUTH!!!

TARDIS console room circa 2005

Let's start with basic layout. The TARDIS control room is circular with a control console in the center and lots of random circles everywhere. What does the interior of the Teletubbies' house look like? The same damn thing! And lest you complain that the photos aren't identical, I've provided a shot of a previous incarnation of the TARDIS. That shit can change, but the elements remain.

 

TARDIS circa 1978

 

 

Note the shockingly similar color palettes between the Teletubby house and the recent TARDIS. How often do you see a glowing blue-green light featured prominently in conjunction with white lights and metallic elements? Well, to be fair I don't know how often YOU encounter that particular interior decorating combo, but I sure don't see it with any regularity.
Look at those arching supports coming in from the sides and consider how similar that central pillar in the Teletubbie house looks to a TARDIS control console.

While we're on the subject of these photos, I'd also like to point out the presence of K-9, a hilarious robot dog who appeared in 1978 and has traveled around with the Doctor and his companions in a number of incarnations. K-9 has the great potential to be annoying, but instead I deeply love him/her. I'm a total sucker for cute little ears (as evidenced by my obsession with the Daleks'), and K-9 has got tiny saucer antennae that swivel back and forth. Also (s)he tends to offer extremely helpful advice that the Doctor then ignores. 

The point is: small compact amiable robot who looks after its owner(s), provides invaluable help, and generally hangs around looking adorable and acting with considerably more sense than any bipedal creatures in the vicinity. Hmmmm....that really reminds me of something...oh wait, that's right: THE NOO-NOO!!!!

Next time, we will examine further evidence that the Teletubbies are occupying a room on the TARDIS and what this means in terms of a larger mythology or perhaps conspiracy within the BBC.

Be Seeing You.

#youpoorbastards

Okay, so remember my genius Weevil Jumpsuit Conundrum? Well it turns out that I seem to have a knack for developing elaborate conspiracy-type theories to do with Doctor Who. My latest one is more of a further-reaching BBC conspiracy theory, but no less ridiculous than Weevils in Jumpsuits.  Since this one relies heavily on visual data, I think it's more accessible to the general public (as opposed to the abstruse specificity of the other) which is good as I assume there's not a huge overlap between the target audience for these two shows. That being said, I'm giving you one last warning: stop reading before this gets any stupider. Because it will. Oh yes, it will.

Still with me? No? Excellent. I prefer monologuing to myself.

A little bit of backstory:
1) In the Doctor Who series, the Doctor flies around in this space/timeship called a TARDIS (Time And Relative Dimension(s) In Space) which, though it looks like a police telephone box on the outside, is actually a vast network of sprawling rooms on the inside.
2) The Teletubbies have this strange vacuum cleaner/friendly robot thing that I deeply love.  I was (once again) in conversation with Randall and for some reason I referenced the Noo-noo. Oddly enough, he didn't know what Noo-noo was, so I went searching for pictures and maybe some video to explain it.
3)Man I love lists.
4) At the time I was "attempting" to write my term paper on death, dying, embalming, and the American Obsession with Control. Also I probably hadn't had a lot of sleep. In short: RIPE FOR DISTRACTION.

So, I found this clip to show Randall, since it has some quality scenes of the Noo-noo scooting around looking awesome. Here's a short clip from Series 4 of the recent reboot (and by "recent" I mean five years ago) of Doctor Who.  Do you see where I'm going with this? Well, if not, you will, and if so I will soon present my case in more detail. Also, if the Teletubbies kind of freak you out, go watch some Boobahs.  The real fun in that video starts around 2:30, and that final shot...*shudder*. Ater that, the Teletubbies should seem positively wholesome and normal.

Be Seeing You.

Edit: I just watched those two first clips in succession, and if you DO see where I'm going with this either you follow me on Twitter, I've told you about my theory, and/or you're barking mad because apart from being British, they really appear to have NOTHING IN COMMON.
...or do they? DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!!!! (that's supposed to be dramatic music)

In the Meantime.....

My absence from writing anything here has has more to do with me going mental over finals and such and less to do with writer's block/lack of ideas.  However, I still thought I should share the genius picture/statement my Medical Anthropology teacher posted on the class website:

ALL STUDENTS, ALL CLASSES: DO NOT END UP LIKE THE TORTOISE (STUCK ON A POST). SUBMIT PAPERS WHEN DUE AND PREPARE FOR THE FINAL EXAM. 

It took  me a while to get it. At first I was stuck on the utterly hilarious image. Who puts a turtle on a post? (That looks more like a painted box turtle than a tortoise to me, but I'm entirely too lazy to actually research that).  Then I realized he might mean the whole idea of "stuck on a post" as in "stuck on not knowing what to write."  Now I'm back to considering that maybe he did just mean totally awkwardly marooned and failing and didn't intend for "post" to be a play on words. I just don't know.  Instead I will go tidy up the house and if I have time, start on a delightful analysis that I got the idea for/began to compile in the wee hours of some morning (Monday maybe? Saturday?) when I should have been working on my Medical Anthro paper and not procrastinating. 

Be Seeing You. 

Edit: What is going on with the text formatting here? I DON'T KNOW. I'm sure I could figure it out/fix it if I really really wanted to, but I just don't care that much. 

Hot Mulled Cider + Futuremug = Very yes

If you're an interwebs nerd (and let's face it: you're reading a blog, so chances are pretty good) or simply like to keep up with breaking science news, you may have heard that the astrobiologists down at NASA-Ames (exobiologists? At one point they changed the technical name of the department and since then I've been confused about which title I should use. Let's go with astrobiologists because 1)It sounds cooler, & 2)That's what their website uses) discovered some insane crazy awesome bacteria that can actually use arsenic (As) as a complete substitute for phosphorous (P). You may be thinking "so?" but trust me when I say this is insane. INSANE I tell you!!! The DNA, RNA, and primary energy molecules (ATP) of EVERY SINGLE LIFE FORM ON EARTH are built using P.
It's kind of funny that this announcement occurred yesterday because even though I'd totally forgotten that they were going to be making some announcement I'd been thinking about the astrobiology department quite frequently for the past several days.  You may remember that yesterday's blog post touched on the hypothetical situation of being stuck in an elevator.  That topic comes up not infrequently in my life (usually it doesn't involve the serious WTF bit) and every single time it does, I think about the elevator in building 239 on the Moffett campus. I don't know if it's been worked on since I interned there (it's been at least 5 years or so), but given the amount of money NASA tends to get I highly doubt it. This elevator liked to go a little past the floor you had pressed, then kind of drop/clunk down three or five inches so you were (pretty) level with the floor when the doors opened. It also made strange clunking sounds in general. I always considered it a bit of a gamble whether the doors were actually going to open and thus any time I imagine getting stuck in an elevator, it's that one. I tended to use the stairs. 
You may be thinking, "My god! What an unsafe work environment!" to which I would respond, "Hey, at least we didn't have Legionnaires disease in our air system like Building 19 did!" 


I found it amusing that the San Jose Mercury News had the article about this crazy ground breaking scientific discovery of bacteria unlike anything we've ever seen (the arsenic ones, not the Legionella) in the "Local News" section.

By the way, sadly we did not get to exhume the raccoon today because, um, we couldn't find it. Not only did they cut down the tree we buried it next to and take away the marker stake we'd put on the site, but they dumped all the debris from grinding down the stump RIGHT ON TOP of exactly the area we knew the grave was in. After entirely too much shoveling we concluded that although it broke our hearts to admit defeat, if Admin really wants the raccoon out of there they can go fucking find it because we sure as shit couldn't. So no moldering raccoon for me. My heart is a little bit broken.  On the upside I will be taking so much Anthro next term and I'm super excited for it. Speaking of which, I need to go do that paper for my class. Shut up, you! It will get done!

Be Seeing You 

Boil Update:
You know how in the one episode of South Park they have the counter for the number of times they've said "shit"? I kind of wish I had one of those for the number of times I've used some variation of the word "suppuration" in my Boil Updates. What is it about pus that's so friggin gross? It's bad enough when it doesn't smell, and when it does..well...like I said: no one wants to smell themselves rotting. I tend to avoid using anti-biotics whenever possible, but I finally went out and bought some Neosporin for my burn because I wasn't a fan of having to drain out the build-up under my bandage several times a day. I put the Neosporin and Tegaderm on there this afternoon, and it looks like it has already cleared up. Win.

Personal Lessons in Ethnography, Part 2.2

Warning: my grammar and use of tenses reach a new level of epic fail in this post

Essentially the icing of fail consisted of 1. Shit-talking my friends to my face and then being surprised when I didn't agree with his assessment. 2. Referring to me in the third person when I was about a foot away.

Edit: I realized I should probably re-post the cast of characters because otherwise it sounds like I'm talking about the most drama-filled episode of Sesame Street ever.

C: the friend in question who is awesome and I love
M: C's boyfriend. Considerably less awesome.
A: has been friends with C since early childhood, I've known her and C since early high school. Highly opinionated with an extremely forceful personality.
B: friend of C from the same religion, has become friends with me and A over the past year or so
I: I just mean "I" as in the word you use instead of "me", maybe I should have gone with numbers...

I went to C's house the night after the birthday dinner party of disaster.  I hadn't expected to encounter M again so soon, but I was glad because it meant a chance to possibly see a better side of him.  Hint: this did not happen.

In the context of a conversation we were having, M made some joke about how I clearly wasn't a suitable person to associate with and C. said something along the lines of "but she's a friend you like." I let it pass without comment because, um, OBVIOUSLY he doesn't like our other friend. There was no comment to be made! It's not like this was a news flash. I guess he didn't see it the same way because not two minutes later as I stood about a foot away from him he said to her something like, "I guess your friend didn't catch your slip-up." Sure, I was holding still and looking in another direction because I was acting as an art reference model for C, but it's not like there was any possible way I couldn't hear him say this. She delivered a pretty crushing "No, she understood," so there wasn't really anything I needed to add, but it was WEIRD. Did he think that by not referring to me by name I wouldn't realize he was talking about me? I am standing about 18 inches away from you! I can understand how someone might mistakenly assume that I'm way more of a completely oblivious space cadet than I actually am since I do a lot of staring into space rather than making small talk. Also I am kind of a space cadet a bunch of the time. However, even IF I was actually that dumb, I AM STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.  Even if I didn't understand you were talking about me, that's still super rude. It struck a truly strange balance between bizarre and laughably dumb and wtf?!

I can only assume that the combination of my lack of reaction to C's original statement and her "No, she understood" led him to the erroneous conclusion that I agreed with him in re our other friend because that's the only explanation I can imagine for how he subsequently proceeded to make his fail whale of an evening even worse! As I said, I was acting as a reference model for C, and at one point I was supposed to look horribly anguished. Conversation proceeded as follows:

M :"well, if you want to be anguished, just imagine being stuck in an elevator for an hour and a half..."
My Brain: "that wouldn't be so bad. Do I have my Leatherman on me? Is this that elevator at NASA?"
M: "...with A and B."
My Brain: "Um. Wait. Wut? Srsly?! Did you just say that?!! DOES NOT COMPUTE." [no I don't know why my brain talks like a lolcat. STOP JUDGING ME]
My Mouth: "Uh, I wouldn't mind that."
M: *looks super surprised, maybe even shocked*
My mouth: "Well the trick to dealing with people like that is to just-"
M: "Not listen to them?"
My Brain: "Wait, WUT?!!!!!!!"
My Mouth: "Um, no. You just have to go with it."
My Brain: ";kfaekjiorcmaephaf firt4mjtwhsi3"

Then, due to a combination of insane schedules neither A nor I got a chance to actually talk to C for almost two weeks following that lovely weekend. I began to spazz a bit because as we all know, textbook abusive behavior features isolating the victim from his or her friends.
We finally got a chance to talk tonight. C knows that his behavior at B's birthday was super inappropriate, and though she did offer the excuse that he was feeling poorly, we're all on the same page about it. What I told her is that what really matters to me is that he genuinely makes her happy because in the end, her happiness and mental health are the things I care about. I don't give a shit if her boyfriend doesn't respect me. If he is good for her, then that's awesome.

That being said, he lost my trust and respect in a fairly spectacular manner. Those things don't grow back real quickly and there will always be a scar.

Be Seeing You

Boil Update:
To continue my last thought in a wholly disgusting Boil Update fashion, let's stick with the wound/scar analogy. Not talking to C about the entirely inappropriate nature of M's behavior at the birthday dinner was like a cut and the concept of an abuser cutting off the victim's contact with friends was like some nasty bacteria. Leave those two together for several weeks of silence and you've got nasty suppuration and a throbbing boil. By acknowledging it, we essentially lanced the boil thereby easing a lot of my paranoid agony. However, I will be keeping an eye on the injury and if that shit starts to fester measures will be taken. If gangrene sets in, I'm fully prepared to lop off the arm. I don't really know what this means in practical real world terms, but the point is I love my friend and would do near anything to protect her.

Homicide, Plastination, and Displaying a Torso in Your Home

I bet you're wondering about the Cakewreck icing on the gateau of fail, but do you see a number in the title of this post? No? Well then NO GATEAU FOR YOU.
Mostly I'm busy being insane, studying for anatomy/physio finals (had my lab test this week, lecture test is next week), attempting to research and write a short (8-10pgs) paper for Medical Anthropology that focuses on how the American practice of embalming is a physical manifestation of our cultural obsession with controlling death. The breakthrough on that came yesterday when I realized I can acknowledge all the caveats in one big chunk thus 1. Getting a chunk of writing down on paper and 2. Then I don't have to worry about making them the entire time.  This is a huge relief because despite having read four whole books, sections of two more, and at least five papers I was no closer to a coherent explanation of this practice. Then I realized that this is an 8-10 page paper. Coherent explanation isn't going to happen in that space. I can pick and choose what I want to focus on. I mean, it's not like this shit is going to be peer reviewed, which is essentially what I was thinking of before, so I feel slightly less INSANE about that. Also have a take home exam for that class that involves writing two short essays on questions he's given us. I haven't even looked at those since class on Wednesday. Wait. Wednesday was just yesterday. Maybe he handed them out on Monday. That makes more sense. Either way, the point is I'm not even thinking of that yet.
I've also been going through an epic laundry shuffle that involves washing the great majority of my clothes since I hadn't washed anything in a really really long time (I have a shit-ton of clothes. I'd be embarrassed about how many, except I either wear most of them or they're key parts of costuming).
Mostly what I'm trying to say is I feel a little like I'm only just keeping my brain from leaking out through my auditory meatus. Speaking of which, neural tissue makes water go all cloudy. It's really quite disgusting.
Tomorrow we exhume the raccoon we buried last Spring! Boo for the person whose loose lips keyed Admin onto the existence of this little project, but yay for diggin' it up! Mostly I'm worried we won't really have enough time to properly excavate it. Rest assured I will take photos, and if you're really lucky I might even refrain from posting them!
Be Seeing You.

Boil Update:
I don't have a boil. I DO however have some burns on my forearm from some unfortunate run-ins with the edge of our wood stove. You'd think after like, the third time I'd learn some way to NOT hit my left posterior forearm on the edge of the stove opening, but nooooo. At least my scars are consistent. They're not really bad scars, though the burns look pretty nasty and at the moment the current one hurts like a bitch. It did not help that this time I totally forgot about the existence of aloe and ice. Really what I forgot was that even though it doesn't hurt very much at first and is super easy to ignore, you've got to get shit on there quick to keep the flesh from continuing to cook. Then I made the mistake of covering it fairly early on with a non-breathable bandage. Burns are gross. It's never nice to smell one's own body decaying.  Oh, wait...did I disgust you? Well you should have learned by now that you SHOULDN'T READ THE BOIL UPDATES if you don't want to be horribly disgusted!!!!